


Centrifuge

by PoolexBordey_Forever



Category: Death in Paradise
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship/Love, Goodbyes, Inspired by Music, Missed Opportunities, Separations, True Love, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-28 23:10:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5109005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoolexBordey_Forever/pseuds/PoolexBordey_Forever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Camille says goodbye to Richard. A song-inspired AU about Camille and Richard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Camille

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. I'm back with a short fic, not too short this time. A bit longer but still not a full-blown fanfic. I'm biting the bullet little by little though. Thank you for the encouraging words. 
> 
> This one came up after I've been listening to a particular song for three weeks straight. It has gotten to a point that it's no longer a Last Song Syndrome. It's more like THIS IS A FOREVER FEELS SYNDROME. Goodness, every time I hear this song, it conjures up a lot of Richard and Camille angst and drama and sad scenes in slow motion. How weird is that? It's like I have a film reel inside my head rolling possible fanfic scenarios - all in technicolor and in very slow motion. Mind boggling. So yeah, here's one of those scenarios in my head, an alternative universe where Camille Bordey is an Counter-Intelligence Officer for Direction Generale De La Securite Exterieure (DGSE) and Richard Poole is an Intelligence Analyst for its British counterpart.
> 
> So what's the damn song? It's "How I needed you" by Belgian-band Puggy. Here's the acoustic version: https://youtu.be/GqIAARqbqcE

French Intelligence Officer Camille Bordey watched as the wife of British Intelligence Analyst Richard Poole ran to him. Her heart clenched but she forced herself to smile. Everything was spinning around her, taking everything in its wake. She was at the center being sucked in deep into a void. The feeling akin to holding her breath underwater. Her lungs about to burst when the lovely woman embraced him so tightly and cried.

She released the breath as she saw him put his arms around his wife and kissed her tear-stained cheek. She released her heart when realization swept through her like a sleeper wave, making everything crystal clear. His usually clouded face was now bright and no longer shrouded. It was a face relieved, happy and perhaps, full of love. And it hurt her. Unbearably. Unabashedly. As her world continued to spin.

 _'Don't cry. Never cry,'_ her steely self told her. _'Don't look away. Remember every moment. Carved it in your heart. It will help you forget.'_ So she tamped down the feeling of drowning in her own despair. Of wanting to gulp air, of wanting to escape. Years of practiced willpower kept her rooted to the spot. She forced herself to look at them, a small smile fixed on her lips. Her eyes desperately blinking back tears. Prepared to fight it with everything she got.

This was probably the most difficult assignment she had done. Most likely because of that pedantic Englishman. She tried hard not to let him get under her skin, he was married and he just wanted to get his wife back. She made an effort to understand him, become his friend. To support him, to protect him. But in the year of them working together to retrieve his beloved wife, they crossed a line. It was a mistake that Camille was paying for now. And would probably pay in her whole lifetime. 

She watched him for the last time, trying to remember his face, his eyes, his lips, his hands, his body. The way he looked at her when they made love. The way he whispered her name almost like a prayer. The feel of his hands on hers. The meaning of all the tender words he had said to her. He had no idea he was her downfall.  _'It was just sex. It didn't mean anything,'_ that small voice in her brain nagged. _'Forget it. Forget him._ '

"Are you okay with this?" Field Officer Dwayne Myers cut into her reverie. She looked at her old friend and confidante, who loved her like a sister, and raised an eyebrow. He gave her a look that said it all. She could never hide anything from him really. She heaved a sigh and nodded. "I'll get over it." _I'll get over him._

"Will he?" asked Dwayne as they both looked at the poignant scene. She didn't say anything. She supposed he would. He had his life back, after all. The one he had always wanted - the long lost wife finally reunited with her beloved and ever-waiting husband. She couldn't deny the fact that she was happy for them, for him. And maybe, this was what she was meant to do now. To be happy for them and wish them godspeed. And say goodbye forever.

At that moment, she saw Richard looking at her. He had an inscrutable expression on his face. His mouth partly open as if wanting to say something. His eyes, piercing and confused, bore through her. She resisted the urge to show affection. He didn't need her anymore. She wouldn't stay for him any minute longer. So she gave him an encouraging smile and a small nod, turned her back and walked toward the waiting chopper.

Dwayne walked close beside her. She was thankful he didn't say anything more because if he did, she would probably give in to the heartbreak that was threatening to smother her. "Where to?" he asked, a bit loudly as they neared their transport. She closed her eyes for a moment and felt her unraveling. The silent separation wrenched at her without remorse.

"Somewhere far away from here," she said without looking back. She had enough of looking at Richard and his wife, had enough of her heart scattering to a million pieces as she walked. It was time to stop her world from hurtling to oblivion. Her job was done and it was a success. It was time for her to move on and begin forgetting. She didn't expect any thanks. She never expected it ever from the people she helped. So she never expected one from him. 

They got on the chopper, strapped themselves in and put on their headsets. Dwayne gave some quick instructions to the pilot as Camille adjusted her belts. She made it a point to avoid looking at the area where Richard and his wife were standing. British government operatives were already there to take them back to their home safely. Everything had been arranged, so she didn't have to worry or think about the aftermath. She had done her part, kept the husband alive and delivered the wife. 

The chopper prepared for lift off, its spinning blades gradually gaining speed. It hovered 10 feet off the ground, pitched and slowly climbed upward. 'They are probably in their car escort and driving off,' she thought as she looked down to the area where she left them. But she was surprised at what she spotted.

Down below, she saw Richard, standing by the open car door, looking up earnestly at the chopper. She was about to avert her eyes, not wanting to see him anymore, not wanting to add to the many images she had of him in her heart, but he caught her. For a few seconds, the world slowed to a halt as they gazed at each other. Everything relentlessly spun around them. Then she saw him mouthed something to her that brought the tears unbidden. She didn't blink, she didn't nod, she didn't acknowledge what he said. She just looked at him sadly, stone-faced, mouth pressed in a thin line, unwilling to release the painful sobs as she wept. 

Tomorrow, she resolved to turn her heart into lead. Tomorrow, she would think of him no more. Tomorrow, she would face the new day without regret. But today, only for today, she allowed herself to cry over the man she loved. The man who was never hers in the first place. 

 _Goodbye, Richard._  

 


	2. Richard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard refuses to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the feedback and the kudos! Here's the second and last chapter of this short AU fanfic about Richard and Camille.
> 
> Yes, it's still inspired by this damn song: "How I needed you" by Belgian-band Puggy. The lyrics are really not compatible with the fanfic but it's the feels - all the angst, missed opportunities, sadness, anger, love, happiness, separation - it can evoke.

British Intelligence Analyst Richard Poole watched his partner French Counter-Intelligence Officer Camille Bordey nod to the woman beside her. He knew who it was but still, he couldn't believe his eyes. The woman ran to meet him but he was rooted to the spot. Unable to move, his vision obscured by the sight of her as everything began to spin around him. Mercilessly.

He held his breathe, torn between relief and worry. The woman, his wife, finally reached him and he instinctively wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek. "I'm glad you're safe," he whispered as the woman sobbed on his shoulder. It was the only thing he could manage to do. For truth be told, he was coming undone. A swirl of emotions so alien washed over him and he remembered.

He remembered the woman who made this all possible. The one who vowed to help him and see this thing through to the end even if it meant hurting herself in the process. The woman whose heavy-lidded brown eyes he could feel looking at them with great pain and sadness. He closed his eyes as he hugged his wife, feeling his heart hurl to oblivion. This was not the happy reunion he had imagined it to be. How could it, when the woman he truly loved was standing too far away from his reach. Every turn, painfully separating him from her with great speed and distance.

 _'Camille,'_ he thought in anguish. He wanted to tell her so many things but time had caught up with them both. He wanted to tell her the truth. But he was always too damn late. Too damn late to act. Too damn late to say anything. Now he couldn't meet her eyes for fear that he would lose every ounce of his self-control and just bolt toward her, forsaking duty, Queen and country. But he knew a choice had to be made and he had to stand by it. He set his jaw, willing himself to remain immobile. Years of intelligence work and natural reticence kept his face emotionless. ' _Hold it together, Poole,_ ' his logical, heartless self said to him. _'You are doing this not just for your wife, but also for her._ '

This was probably the most difficult assignment he had done. Most likely because of that feisty and attractive French woman. To say that he wasn't affected by her would be an understatement. She had a way about her that made people, even strangers, give their trust and confidence in her. And he was one of them. It took a lot of willpower and logical reasoning to keep her at arm's length. To her, he was married and just wanted his wife back. But a year working with her placed a chink on his armor. And he fell hard. He felt loved, needed, cherished. They agreed it was a mistake. And now, both of them were paying for it.

At that moment, his eyes found her. His brain taking all of her in. Her face, her eyes, her lips, her hands, her body. The way she looked at him when they made love. The way she whispered his name almost like a prayer. The feel of her hands in his. The meaning of all the tender words she had said to him. _'It was just sex. It didn't mean anything,'_ that pompous voice in his head nagged. _'Forget it. Forget her._ ' He silenced it savagely.  

He saw her standing stiffly, her face equally stoic as his. She gave him a curt nod and a small smile, then turned away without looking back. He could feel his heart shattering at her every step. His green eyes watering around the edges as he looked at her retreating figure with grief and remorse. The cold realization came down on him with such force he had to close his eyes to stave off the vertigo. He was going to lose her and he couldn't do anything about it. His world violently heading toward a void so deep it felt like drowning. He resisted the urge to scream. 

Only the arms that held his wife anchored him to reality. He felt her calm down, her sobs slowing softly. He waited for her to release him from her embrace. He looked at her fondly, this woman, his wife, whom he had history. She seemed in good health save for the gaunt face and dark-circled eyes. One wouldn't have thought she'd gone through an ordeal. He was truly glad she was safe. She moved her lips as if to say something to him but an agent got his attention first.

"Sir, we have the car ready for you and Mrs. Poole," the young man simply said, showing them a big black sedan. He nodded in acknowledgement and guided his wife toward it. He opened the door for her, trying to avoid looking at the chopper Camille was getting on. "Thank you," his wife finally said. And he didn't know if it was for opening the car door for her or for finding and bringing her back home safe. But he nodded his head nonetheless. She opened her mouth to say something more but he admonished her gently, "We'll talk later." She gave him a forced smile amid her tear-stained cheeks. She nodded in understanding and climbed inside the car.  

He lingered by the open car door, unwilling to let things end. He could hear the whirl of the chopper's blades as it gained speed. The wind it created swept up to him, its roar deafening and relentless. The helpless, wretched part of him refused to let go. He would never see her again, he was sure of it. He knew her all too well. But he had to tell her. He turned around and looked at the chopper, panicking at the thought of not reaching her in time. His eyes frantic and unblinking.

Just when he was about to run after the chopper, he caught her looking at him. He held her gaze firmly, desperately. For a few precious seconds, he felt the world around them ground to halt. And it was just him and her in the middle of a centrifuge meant to destroy and separate them both. He mouthed what he wanted to say to her and hoped that she understood. He knew she could lip-read at that distance, she was the best at it, after all. She just gave him a sad look in return but he knew. In his very soul, he believed she knew he meant it. He continued to look at the chopper as it disappeared from his view, taking her away from him for good. He climbed in the car wordlessly.

Today, he resolved to complete his mission with all his emotions concealed tightly in his core. Today, he would be the dutiful ex-husband who would comfort the woman he had history with and tell her the truth. Today, he would allow his heart to secretly break and scatter to minute shards for the woman he loved and needed the most. But beginning tomorrow, and all tomorrows to come, he would be hell bent in finding her.

 _This isn't goodbye, Camille._  

 


End file.
